Honey, so that your life shall be sweet. Palm oil, to lubricate life’s aches. Salt, to protect and help keep you. Kola nut, i can not keep in mind precisely, it is it maybe maybe maybe not sufficient it is probably the most symbolically Nigerian thing, across all cultural lines?
What exactly are these? Collectively, they form section of a “bride cost” – money and gift ideas distributed by a guy’s family members to a lady’s upon their marriage. In school in Nigeria, during Yoruba history course, we had been told about women that attracted bride that is incredibly high, influenced by their characteristics. Inversely, there have been females whoever bride rates had been therefore paltry, it absolutely was an embarrassment. I do not remember the certain presents and whatever they signify any longer, but I actually do understand that these classes for which we were taught about our history had been, for contemporary budding feminists, a tough pill to ingest.
I’m considering bride price again this week, however, due to an app that is new’s been doing the rounds into the African corners of my internet life. Initially, I happened to be reluctant to create concerning this software after all. The narrative of Africa and Africans in the united kingdom along with other Western, mostly white areas is really old, so outdated and false, so wearying, that we conserve African stories for my safer areas, places where there is absolutely no empathy space. I like dealing with Nigeria without some internet complete stranger telling us to “simply get on it!” Speaing frankly about Africa – its good and its particular bad – in the internet wears me away. So when we third-culture kids meet up, occupying that middle area when you look at the Venn diagram that overlaps our moms and dads’ countries using the West’s, we could laugh about this. That is what this app is all about.
Down load the new Indpendent Premium application
Sharing the story that is full not only the news headlines
The Bride Price app calculated that I became worth the “Premium Babe”-ly amount of 494,500 naira that is nigerianNGN) –about ?1,816. Just just How achieved it get to this figure? Via a number of concerns, plus they are the star that is real of app. There is the choice to always check “we are always aware of, even when we cannot see or hear them, is our enemy for yourself” or “for your friend/enemy” – because as Nigerians, one thing.
Therefore, also before we clicked, I became smiling. Then arrived the true concerns: my height; my fat (choices included the very”medium” that is standard and the harder-to-decipher “Mama Ronke” – so what does that even mean?); https://mail-order-bride.net/greek-brides my leg form (“straight”, “sexy bow leg (Beyonce)” etc); my facial beauty (from “intimidating” to “complete no try”) an such like. Each solution features a value – no kola pea pea nuts here – often a “discount”, 60 percent if you should be regrettable adequate to function as indecipherable “Mama Ronke”. The application does take time to calculate the bride cost and provides a jaunty message with a blinking green shekere (a West African guitar): “Please wait – the elders are consulting. at the conclusion of the test”
The expression “if you never laugh, you are going to cry” appears, more than ever before, to be manufactured particularly for Nigerians. The accepted narrative is certainly one of woe, a country lurching from pillar (of calamity) to create (of disaster) despite a resource wide range that may effortlessly function as response to our issues. The thought of bride pricing is a screen to the past, a past that is not at all times glorious or edifying whenever seen through a lens that is modern.
But this software is sly – the nuance might not be visually noticeable to all optical eyes, but it is there. Under skin color – which might or might not have had an impression on bride cost within the days that are olden definitely things in the hierarchy of beauty today – comes five groups. “Half caste”; “Light epidermis”; “Dark”; “Whitenicious”; and “Lupita” (such as Nyong’o). The worthiness for every single decreases while you get down the list, you start with +NGN50,000. Issue answer and– choices simultaneously acknowledge the colour-struck manner attribute of a swathe of Nigerians, in addition to noting without fuss the product range of tints we are presented in obviously. There clearly was a level for the Lupita skin, that will be a little thing, although not.
There are some other markers. On teeth, a “white with gap” has got the greatest value (my mom has expressed dismay that none of her young ones inherited our grandmother’s “beautiful” diastema), while “Ronaldinho” is sold with a -NGN40,000 label. The area and citizenship questions are fine “don’t cry laugh that is– examples (America happens tops in both), and a Masters is desirable, however a PhD features a penalty of -NGN100,000. Employment views gas and oil appear trumps (+NGN100,000); my journalism job includes a value of just +NGN20,000. Fortunately, i will be “redeemed” by my English accent – the greatest – respected at +NGN45,000.
Then maybe it’s not for you if you can’t see the social commentary in this app.
Anyhow. The app advised my prospective in-laws deliver 100 yards of cord lace to my ancestral household homestead as befitting my “Premium Babe” status. Finally, an software that gets me…